The Grieving Imperative

Newsletter November 6, 2023 Together, we're #keepingitsacred...

Tomorrow, Jewish communities all over the world will observe sheloshim for those who were brutally killed on October 7. Sheloshim is a time to mark the end the mourning period of 30 days from burial of loved ones who died. It is a time to gather, remember, and continue along the path of the mourner.

As a community, though, we realize our grief has not ended, as war continues to rage, and hostages have not been released. Our Keeping It Sacred Healing Circle has held space on Thursdays for our immense grief over lost lives on both sides of the border between Gaza and Israel, and sadness for our own feelings of political impotence.

Nevertheless, our work holding of space for tender hearts that refuse to be hardened is critical work. And we are not alone.

Recently, I was heartened to speak with a rabbinic colleague in Israel via zoom. Rabbi Leora Ezrachi-Vered shared of the heart-centered work she and her community in the Jezreel Valley are engaged in on the ground. It is fitting that her community is called Nigun Ha-Lev (Melody of the Heart).

The night before the massacre, Nigun HaLev invited interfaith partners to gather for a Sukkot festival called "Sukkat Shalom" (Sukkah of Peace). At that event, 300 people gathered in peace and unity, with participants reflecting the ethnic make-up of the area, half-Arab and half-Israeli. It was a joyful celebration with dancing and togetherness.

Waking up to the horror the next day, and in the weeks to follow, the community mobilized to volunteer and to mourn together. What did they do?

-They worked together to support the Thai workers who were directly affected by the massacre, housing them, giving them clothes and food and care.

-They organized spiritual support to members of the community; spaces to cry and be together.

-They formed mixed teams of grief volunteers, Jews and Arabs intentionally coming together to hold sacred space for one another, and who would help families with their tradition's mourning practices. (Photo above is an artistic rendering of the community mourning with the family of Wad de Laosha z"l, an Arab Muslim ambulance driver who was working at the Nova festival, found himself in this terrible situation, tried to save people, and was murdered).

-They joined the nearby Bedouin village of Zarzir to light candles of memory together. And,

-They organized their interfaith group called "Spirit of the Galilee," to write an urgent call for peace and tolerance written in Hebrew and Arabic signed by rabbis and imams and priests and Druze leaders.

The community in the Jezreel Valley remains committed to a vision of a shared society, even at these intensely polarized times. It is a beautiful example of coexistence and care.

This is what happens when communities hold space for one another's humanity, sorrow, and traditions. Allowing for the processing of grief keeps it from turning into grievance. This is an understanding I have learned from dear friend, Jethro Heiko, who recently published a zine on the topic called "The Grieving Imperative." One of his teachings is that grief processed properly connects people's hearts. But grief that festers becomes grievances that serves to divide people. (Join Jethro and me November 28 for a program on grief- register HERE. And secure your free copy of the zine by subscribing to our monthly contributions program HERE.)

Our own Keeping It Sacred community will continue to hold open spaces to understand and process grief together. To keep it from festering and turning into grievances. We will continue to find support, and be supported by, fellow tenderhearted individuals and organizations, among them no fewer than the 15 leaders who have reached out to us (through me) to express their care and concern.

I am moved by the promise found in Psalms 126:5 which tells us that "those who sow in tears (together), will reap in joy (together)." Though our communities are mourning together now, my hope is that we will once again find a new path forward to safety and belonging through care and love, to once again someday rejoice together. May we find ways to hold sacred space for each other's humanity to make it so. This is how we're #keepingitsacred...

Together, we’re #keepingitsacred…

Rabbi Heather Miller

Founder, Keeping It Sacred

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The above is an excerpt from a Keeping It Sacred newsletter. If you want to read the entire newsletter or any from our archives, please head over to: keepingitsacred.com/news 

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Thanks for your interest, and thanks for #keepingitsacred...