Repair Work, Part 2
- Rabbi Heather Miller
- May 12, 2024
- 5 min read
Newsletter May 13, 2024 Together, we're #keepingitsacred...
When something breaks, when harm is done, it creates a breach. A rift in time. Between that which was before and that which was after.
Before something terrible happens, there’s an innocence. A benign naïveté. But after, there’s a hard-truth. A bitter pill. A painful hurt that needs mending.
When a bone is broken, we go to the orthopedist to make a cast and, as they say, time heals all wounds. But what happens when institutions are broken, harm is not limited to some acute break. The wound extends among the hearts and minds and spirits of the many- how do you heal something like that? Especially if it has happened institutionally over the course of generations?
These were the questions that Hebrew Union College- Jewish Institute of Religion explored in its reckoning with injustices perpetuated by abuses of power and patriarchy that created situations of gender based harm across generations of rabbis. Today’s leadership of the school recognized that time doesn’t heal these kinds of wounds.
And Sunday, there was a piece of repair work, a ritual, to help bring a repair. And honestly, I am still processing the power of the day. So in this newsletter, I will sketch out some of the issues addressed, and in the installment next week, I will attempt to process more about how I felt about things.
First was a harm. Actually, many harms committed based on gender. The most ubiquitous was the fact that from 1972 to 2015, every ordination certificate earned by a woman featured different language than that bestowed upon men. And, unsurprisingly, different didn’t mean better. (Read more HERE) There was a corrective measure done in 2015 to bring equity in language, but what about the generations of rabbis whose certificate still featured the old language?
In addition to that, some certificates were granted to women by men who were perpetrators of harm. (Read more HERE)
Next was a survivor-based imagining. I have served on the board of the Women’s Rabbinic Network for five years now, and at several retreats over the years, and in private conversations, there was a bold response- re-imagining of what that ceremony would have looked like had our ordaining rabbi been someone else, or even someone of one’s own choosing. We dared to dream of an alternate reality of justice. A roadmap for some repair.
Then, a sharing. Over the years our leadership would bring these harms to the attention of the leadership for exploration, understanding, and acknowledgement. And in the last few years, there were opportunities for folks to share the harms done. As it turns out, if harm-doers open up space to listen with the intention to apologize, victim-survivors will share. And a flood of testimony came to light despite the harm associated with the revisiting of the traumatic past.
Then, an acknowledgement came from the College officially recognizing the harm done. And acknowledgement of the need for repair.
The idea for the reaffirmation ceremonies was shared as a piece of the vision for teshuvah/ repair/ repentance, and over the course of many months with dedicated staff working diligently with the advisement of WRN leadership, a ceremony was created and invitations to those harmed were extended.
Sunday, I participated in the ceremony, reaffirming my ordination which took place 16 years ago. As I ascended the steps of that bimah, I allowed myself to focus on what I usually try to ignore- the weight of gender based discrimination on my shoulders. All of the vignettes flashed across my heart of biased classroom encounters, and rigid rules for women and freedoms for men; I remembered the flashes of comments about my clothes, the awful comments shared with me, and threatening encounters with powerful leadership that would have been unthinkable to have perpetuated upon a man in my position as rabbi or as a rabbinical student.
As I ascended the stairs of the bimah, I wondered if this would be a ritual of freeing myself from these trappings, or simply acknowledging them; would it feel like a liberation or an addressing of a wound? What would it be…?
Next week, I intend to explore more thoughts on the ritual itself and the power of repair. I hope that this will help all of us explore the weight we each carry around everyday with abilities not voiced, and consider the importance of teshuvah/ repair work.
Participating in teshuvah is how we are keeping it sacred.
Together, we’re #keepingitsacred...
Rabbi Heather Miller
Founder, Keeping It Sacred
GRIEF IN THE MIDDLE EAST
THIS COMING MONDAY! Hosted by Keeping It Sacred, in collaboration with Muslims for Progressive Values, and Nefesh: Hear from those living with Grief in the Middle East as we invite members of the Parents' Circle to share reflections on their experiences as people who have lost loved ones in violence. Explore human suffering and a new vision for the future. Join us at 9am PT | Noon ET on 5/20. Register here!
Our speakers include:
Robi Damelin, spokesperson and director of International Relations for the Parents Circle - Families Forum joined the organization after her son was killed by a Palestinian Sniper. All her work on the ground both in Palestine and Israel and internationally is geared towards non-violence and reconciliation as a means to end the occupation. Robi was named as a 2015 Woman of Impact by Women in the World. She regularly contributes to media outlets in Israel and abroad. Robi was invited to brief the Security Council at the United Nations in May, 2022.
Laila Alsheikh lives in Bethlehem in the West Bank. In 2002, her 6 months old son, Qussay, became ill and Israeli soldiers prevented Layla from taking him to the hospital for more than five hours. Qussay soon died from the lack of timely treatment. Laila joined the Parents Circle in 2016. Following her son’s death, she never thought of revenge, but rather has devoted her time and energy to ensuring a better, more peaceful future for her children
The Parents Circle - Families Forum is a joint Israeli-Palestinian organization made up of more than 700 bereaved families. Their common bond is that they have lost a close family member to the conflict. But instead of choosing revenge, they have chosen a path of reconciliation.Through their educational activities, these bereaved members have joined together to take tens of thousands of Palestinians and Israelis on journeys of reconciliation. It is often raw and always emotional. But out of these interactions, comes change. Not the kind of change that makes headlines, but a more personal and profound shift in perspective.As a joint Israeli-Palestinian peace organization, the PCFF models constructive dialogue around shared values. Even since October 7th, 2023, its staff, members, and thousands of participants are still committed to peace and a way forward that centers around empathy and humanization.The PCFF focuses on the shared value of the sanctity of human life. This conversation brings our attention to the values that Palestinians and Israelis can agree upon even in the darkest of times.
The above is an excerpt from a Keeping It Sacred newsletter. If you want to read the entire newsletter or any from our archives, please head over to: keepingitsacred.com/news
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